God knows my needs before I do, always. Right now as I start writing, I am ashamed. Ashamed of my presentation of my monologue that I have been working on for the past four and a half weeks. I am ashamed because I invited one of my favorite alumni from my school who has been a spiritual guide in this process and someone whose work and work ethic I truly admire. I am beating myself up because I allowed myself to be distracted throughout my performance by so many factors that were out of my control. If I had done the necessary work during the process, I may not have been as distracted.
As the saying goes, we are our own worst critic. For the whole performance and during the rest of my classmaes performances I was beating myself up, because I felt as though being a third semester student I was assigned to go first to set the bar very high. I think if I had set the bar high for myself from the beginning, it wouldn’t have upset me as much as it has.
Right now, I am listening to “This Too Shall Pass” by Yolanda Adams and Crystal Lewis. A song that I played yesterday for Worship Wednesday. I needed to hear it to remind myself that I need to let what happened today, be what it was. Whether or not I failed at it, so what. What matters the most is how I bounce back from this failure. That is what I am going to leave this experience with. It was meant for me to fail to know the level of focus and work I have to give something no matter the circumstances going on around me. I have to be soft with myself and take those circumstances into consideration and know how to be better for me and only me in the future.
As my statement that I would say with one my health coaches would go: I am Strong and Powerful!
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13